The story nobody wants to hear...

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Lately my daughter has been getting questions and e-mails on her own website from people who have been reading mine and want to ask her personally how it was for her to be Initiated into sex by her mother. The truth is, she never really was... There is a reason for this. It's not a particularly good one... but it's a reason: You see, like most of you other Mothers, I was was raised by my parents to fear my sex, wonder about theirs, and start life confused... I was kept in the dark and even though we were many times in close living situations they managed to hide their sex from me. We had no privacy in our house (no closed doors between our bedrooms...), so I ended up having to hide my sexuality from them too. I never heard the sound of my parents making love, never saw them kissing in a sexual way, never saw or felt any sexual play and had a bitter and complaining mother and a father who did not dance anymore... [...]

When my grandmother died I was 12, I started playing with my clitoris every night before I fell asleep. [...] But many nights, I was afraid to get caught and I would fall asleep with my arm around my mattress trying to hold on for dear life... [...] When my daughter grew up, I knew I had to do it differently. I had missed the intimacy and openness about sex and spirituality with my parents very much and during my study about "Health Science", I learned that there were other ways to raise your children and show and tell them about sex. Her father was a sex-guru anyway who brought the first naked girl on Dutch TV, who organised the "Wet Dream Festival" in Amsterdam and who was co-publisher of magazines called Suck and Finger and was arrested in the States for distributing reader-written (!) true stories about sex, including happy stories from kids about 'incest'. We were a happy family for a while, very open about sex, very loving and our daughter grew up seeing everything: had been beside us many times as we made love. Mommy and daddy having sex was normal behaviour for her... The trouble started when she went to school, an 'Anthroposophic' school , which I thought would give her room to develop naturally. [...]

We were called to school to explain why our daughter knew so much about sex and was sharing this with the other kids... (who loved to listen to these 'secrets' of course.) We were warned to keep her 'under control' and that if her teacher ever heard that we were 'using' her, (she meant having sex with her) she would inform the police. [...] I went on every TV-show here in Holland and a couple abroad and had my own radio show on Talkradio [...]. My daughter who once asked me if I would 'initiate' her if she was old enough, now heard from kids at school that her mother was a whore because I had been on TV talking about sex. [...] I dared to embrace myself more and more, sexually, especially when I started living with an ex-gigolo, who wrote in his book true stories of him having sex with mothers and daughters on several gigs... [...]

I continued to liberate myself from society's norms about sex, being on TV, giving consultations and hearing hundreds of stories, then started my own website, only to find out more and more that I was not alone. [...] My daughter has grown up now and thinks she knows everything there is to know about sex, except what it feels like because, as I said at the top, she has yet to be Initiated. In our society there is no room for Initiation, parents are criminalised immediately if they want to teach their children about the way of life. Instead we are told that if we behave, do good, work hard and bring the money to the big multi-nationals. [...] I have always asked myself in who's interest that is. [...] The world is nothing but a business for certain people and they see the rest of us as consumer/commodities. [...] It has put me under a lot of pressure to take a different view. I almost lost my daughter in the process and my health, but I keep on going because I know I am not alone...

source: 'The story nobody wants to hear...' by Cora Emens (co-host of the Dutch TV-programme 'Beter in bed', RTL); members.chello.nl/c.e.emens/about-cora/personal-stories/herstory.htm & members.ams.chello.nl/cora/herstory.htm & members.ams.chello.nl/cora/about-cora/personal-stories/herstory.htm; 2005